It's funny...

I know I've been really vague about the "suckiness" that's going on, and for the most part that will have to stay vague.  (because a lot of it has to do with my job and for various ethical reasons I can't post too much on my public blog)  

But I will tell you that I felt like a crazy person for most of last week.  No I literally mean crazy, as in mentally unstable, not sane, nuts, etc.  It's scary to feel like you might snap at any moment. And that's how I was feeling.  That might even be more information than I needed to share.

Anywho.... So along comes these two days I said I was dreading (and I really, really was) and funny thing- I feel okay.  I'm rolling with it.  My insanely crazy-packed schedule is lightening up to a tolerable level.  But even the remaining craziness I find myself able to handle.  I have more patience than I expected to have or that I usually have.  I no longer feel like I'm teetering on the edge of sanity or that I might punch the next person that ticks me off.  I'm really okay. 

That leads me to think: "what the heck was I so worked up about?  What was the big deal?  This wasn't so bad at all!  I really made a big deal out of nothing..."


But when I really thought about it, I realized- it's not that it wasn't a big deal.  That insane stress I was feeling was very real and I didn't make it all up in my head. 

See, I had several kind, sweet friends directly tell me (independently) that they would pray for me to help me get through my stressful time, even without knowing why I was so stressed.  And I don't doubt they meant it and that they did in fact pray for me.  So [silly me] the reason I feel okay right now and the reason my hell week turned out to be not so bad is because prayers are heard and answered.  And sometimes we get what we ask for.... I got what I asked for, and what my friends asked for on my behalf-- I got through my stress in one piece and when I needed it, my burdens were made light.  It's kind of miraculous when you put it all together.

How many times do we fail to show gratitude for blessings of peace, comfort, help, and other answers to prayers, because we don't realize that the reason we feel better is because prayers were uttered and answered on our behalf? 




To all those who helped lighten my load this week, whether by praying for me, bringing me kleenex when I ran out in the middle of an emotional breakdown in the office next door (and then offering to juggle for me even though you don't know how), helping covering my hearings, offering to help, or keeping me in your thoughts, Thank You. You were part of my small miracle this week. And you know who you are.

An award for me!! I feel so special!

I'm a little late in formally accepting my award here, but (again) I had a truly heinous week.  This was truly one of the bright spots though...




Sweet Amy, writer of My LaLa Land, nominated my blog for this award. :D   Seriously, it made me smile!  Still does. Thanks Amy!!


And now I must pass on the smiles.  In nominating others for this award I'm of course a little biased toward my love for adoption-related blogs (at least for the first two):


Jessa- The Site for Birthmothers by Birthmothers- Jessa does a great job of bringing fellow birthmothers together and giving us a chance to answer questions and speak out and to promote birthmother events and activities.


Liz- Our Little Family- Liz is an open book about her feelings and always has uplifting things to say, even during her greatest trials.  She's also a good friend of mine. :)


Emily- Fabulous and Loving It- Emily is both hilarious and interesting.  And a great wakeboarder!  When I really need to laugh I'll go to this post in particular.  Love ya, Emily.


So to my nominations, here's what you do next:


*Accept and post the award to your blog
*Link to the person from whom you received it 
*Pass the award to 5 other blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgement. (Like Amy I only did 3, maybe we should just formally change it to 3)
*Let them know they have been chosen for this award

Sucky.

I have an ultra-sucky couple of days coming up.   I had a pretty sucky week last week.  I've been pretty sucky at keeping up on some things and writing some emails, and have at times been a sucky person.

Sigh.



Just two more days and I'll probably get out from under this cloud.

I'm Farrah!!

Yes, I know she's the dead one.  But let's not look at it that way.
Let's all agree that out of the three Charlie's Angels, Farrah was everyone's favorite.  She was the star.  You know it's true!

As I said, and as you can see, I'm the Farrah:  (okay so maybe it has something to do with me being blonde, but I still think I'm the star!)(my humility is astounding)

Maria gave me bunny ears out of pure jealousy!


Now why is it that my girl is so scantily clad, but the other ones aren't?  A see-through shirt?  Really?!

Are you wondering what this was all about?  To celebrate one year of the Juvenile Public Defender being our very own separate office, (and doing quite well thank you very much) we had a lunch to celebrate and Chris made us all these awesome awards.  Maria, K-Bad, and I won the Charlie's Angels awards, which is better than the Three Stooges, which frankly is what I would have expected.  If only we all carried guns in real life...

Exhibit #1...

. . . in support of my contention that Art ran over and killed Santa Claus, with his brand new shiny car.  But then again, wouldn't he have used one of his many guns if he really had it out for Santa that bad?

I will get to the bottom of this.

This photo deserved its own post.

I just think this is kind of hilarious.  Clearly none of us were expecting to be photographed at that moment, and we all look a little out of it.  lol

Lacy's Baby Shower

Thanks to Dave for trading Saturday back-up with me so I could go to my sister-in-law Lacy's baby shower on Aug. 22nd!  (and it was not really a fair trade; that Saturday ended up being crazy and the day I took in return, well I didn't even have to go in.  Sorry Dave)

It was at Olive Garden so while the room they gave us was about 150 degrees, at least the food was deelish.  It was really fun to see everyone.  And luckily Burke made his appearance only a few days later!

Theora writing her name on her name tag all by herself (don't help me, mom!!!).  She did an impressively good job!



Carly had recently woken up from a nap and still wasn't sure about any of us... the smiles finally came a little later.


It's a boy!





Theora the elder, a.k.a. Grandma Shelley and I.  I think this one needs to be framed.


Some random shots from the shower...Lacy opening her presents.





Gotta love these sparkly shoes!


Theora, modeling her lovely hairstyle by Yours Truly.

Baking Adventures

You know I love to cook!  And to take pictures of my creations so I can brag about them on my narcissistic blog... :)

Because my food storage mostly consists of cases of stuff from Costco and boxes of cereal, I have quite a bit of soy milk.  I needed to find a good use for the soy milk (everyone knows you have to cycle through your food storage so it doesn't go bad by the time The Great Famine comes) so I went online and found this delightful recipe for Soymilk Flan.  Yum...

Here it is:



I make treats nearly every week for my choir but I was especially proud of these frosted sugar cookies.  Because, come on- look how cute they are!  And that is a lot of work!

Enter to win an adorable doll and help a very deserving family! All in one :)

If you don't know Mrs. R, you should.  She's an adoption advocate superstar!  She's also a mother who's been fighting for her baby boy, and you can imagine it hasn't been cheap.  (You can read on her blog all about the scary contested adoption, but in summary they had a trial last Friday and are now waiting on the judge to make his decision-- if you can, please pray and fast for them and their judge)

Humble Like This Child is doing a raffle to help Mr. and Mrs. R with their legal costs. A $1 contribution earns you one raffle entry to win one of their adorable custom dolls (makes an awesome gift if you don't have little ones!). Check out the link to HLTC's website for more info and to get yourself entered in the raffle!

You can also support the R House by checking out the awesome jewelry at their Etsy shop, R House Couture-- I bought this one and love it, in fact I've been wearing it everyday since I got it, in support of their ongoing battle to keep their family intact:

Because- "Hope . . . is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear."

- President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Infinite Power of Hope,” Liahona, Nov 2008, 21–24.

Marshmallow Fondant

I'm going totally out of order because I had mentioned I would blog about my adventures in making marshmallow fondant (MMF) . . . I don't want to disappoint, as I know you have all been on pins and needles waiting to hear about it.

I was watching too many episodes of Cake Boss and suddenly got the urge to try it.  So I used an online tutorial (which I'll have to search for whenever I want to make it again- my bookmarks on my poor laptop are unable to be reached, but that's another story)   And here it is, being created:

Of course I used my heart-shaped cake pan.  First I frosted the cake with a coconut buttercream frosting.



Then I rolled out the plain white MMF and draped it over the cake.  It's kind of like playing with play dough. :)



Then I colored some MMF blue and did my very best bow. . .  this took several tries and is a lot harder than I envisioned it being. This was the best I could do.  It was so late by the time I got to this step, I was just ready to be done.  Next time hopefully I'll give myself more time to work on it.



I took the cake into work with me which was random because it wasn't anyone's birthday. It was just an experimental cake but I had to do something with it. . . so my dear co-workers benefitted from my random urge to try making MMF.  I believe the verdict was it tasted pretty good (I don't recommend eating regular fondant).  Now I know I can do it!

Here piggy piggy!

Saturday morning after my run in Granada Park, I met up with Jen, LeeAnn, and Christine at Bacon in Scottsdale.  Sadly the breakfast club is getting broken up, thanks to Bryan soon stealing Jen away from us forever!*  So we had to get in at least one more Saturday morning breakfast.

*In the form of marriage- they aren't actually going away but we all know we will never see each other anymore: this is a sad fact of life.

I agonized over whether to get the $4 hot chocolate.  No, I wasn't cold at all (that is apparently the natural question that follows), it just sounded really good. But $4 good?  It reminded me of this scene in Pulp Fiction which you probably shouldn't watch because it has vulgar language (is there a scene in Pulp Fiction that doesn't?).  But there, I warned you properly.  Yes, I got the hot chocolate.  Yes, it was pretty freaking good, though maybe not $4 good. ;)



No one bothered to tell me it was 'show your BYU spirit' day so I was the only one not wearing BYU gear!  Though I did watch most of the game later that day so that should make up for it.  Where the Dbacks shame and disappoint (see following post), the Cougars are doing amazing so far!!  Truly amazing.  I'm so proud.



There was a guy in a pig suit walking around outside the restaurant holding a sign and LeeAnn was determined to get a picture with him.  It was kind of hilarious how determined she was!  Here she is flagging the guy down, all the way at the end of the street.



He wasn't a very fast pig.  But that's okay...



Finally we got our photo with the pig. :)



It was a fun morning with some fun girls, and some really yummy food!

The Dbacks: another lousy performance

Oh, Diamondbacks.  Why must you suck so much at baseball?  Isn't it kind of important that you don't suck at that one thing- baseball?  Oh well.

Despite that minor detail, we did have fun at the game a couple nights ago.  I went with my friends Jenna and her husband Dillon, and Mike.  I must say we looked rather color-coordinated, don't you think?

We were all wondering why both teams were wearing red hats. Not unusual for the Dbacks but confusing for the Brewers.  Did they change their colors?  How can we tell the teams apart if they all wear the same colors?  These questions we tossed around for a while until someone (probably my brilliant self) realized that the red hats had something to do with 9/11.  So congrats to us for figuring it out!

After the game we went up onto the upper level for the fireworks.  Fireworks make me happy!!  This time they played patriotic music probably, again, because it was 9/11.  Here is a taste of the show for your viewing pleasure: (I tried to upload video but the internet hates me tonight and I just can't seem to figure it out)

Where oh where do I begin?

The trouble with getting really behind on blogging is deciding whether to go back to where I left off or starting with the most recent and then going backwards....  That way at least I'm caught up on the present even if I don't get all the posts done tonight.  Yes I think I will do the latter.

Also, this is my sneak-a-licious way of burying this particular post so that only my most dedicated readers will see it.  (evil laugh)

So you know how I said I have a crush on this guy?  Well, I have a much bigger crush on this guy: (it helps that I actually know him)(never mind that this is a heinous picture of me)




His name is Mike.  He's nice.  The end. :)

I think....

that being a birth mom is kind of like being a fairy godmother.

That's all.

Two daily thoughts I loved.

“We need strong Christians who can persevere against hardship, who can sustain hope through tragedy, who can lift others by their example and their compassion, and who can consistently overcome temptations. We need strong Christians who can make important things happen by their faith and who can defend the truth of Jesus Christ against moral relativism and militant atheism.”


D. Todd Christofferson, “The Power of Covenants,” Ensign, May 2009, 19–20
 
_____________________________________________________
 
“With all the differences in our lives, we have at least one challenge in common. We all must deal with adversity. . . . It is in the nature of our being human that comfort gives way to distress, periods of good health come to an end, and misfortunes arrive. . . . The arrival of suffering or the loss of material security can bring fear and sometimes even anger. . . . “The very opportunity for us to face adversity and affliction is part of the evidence of [Heavenly Father and the Savior’s] infinite love. God gave us the gift of living in mortality so that we could be prepared to receive the greatest of all the gifts of God, which is eternal life.”


Henry B. Eyring, “Adversity,” Ensign, May 2009, 23

TRUST.

This may seem kind of out of place here on my blog.  I usually talk about light-hearted things like, well, fruit and my hair.  So far I haven't had too much overly-serious stuff.  But I was so struck by this post on the R house that I had to put my feelings down in writing.  Had to.  As in, I am totally neglecting things I need to be doing right now in order to write this post.


It comes in the form of two letters, letters to two separate but related groups of people out there.  Real people, but ones I don't actually know. (Let me emphasize that because in no way do I want anyone to think that the second letter is based on my personal experience, quite the opposite is true. I am one very lucky girl)  For simplicity's sake alone I'm leaving the men out of the equation.

_____________________________________________________

Dear prospective birthmothers,

Please be careful with the dear women who you contact and befriend as potential adoptive mothers to your children.  Most have known so much loss and heartbreak already through infertility. They have had to surrender nearly all control over the creation of their family.  By the time you meet them their hearts have been broken apart and stitched back together, sometimes over and over.

Your interest in them will fill them with hope and cautious excitement. Please be completely honest with them. If you're not sure about adoption, and are just looking at the possibilities, great- if you aren't sure about them and just want to know them, wonderful- if you are flying blindly through an unfamiliar and confusing crisis, I completely understand.  But if they know where you are on that spectrum, it can prevent unnecessary hurt.  Please try to minimize that hurt.

I realize this will require you to know yourself to some degree.  You may not know yourself yet. (again I understand)  But I only ask you proceed with the utmost caution- of course even to the very last minute you're free to change your mind, to choose someone else, to question your decision . . . but please, do not trifle with these sacred things.


You hold delicate and fragile, deep and real feelings in your unsteady hands; be ever so careful with them.


Sincerely,
Me.

____________________________________________________


Dear adoptive parents,

Please be careful with your child's dear birthmother. She has shown you the ultimate trust- out of all the people in the world, she chose YOU to raise her child. The child that she loves so much, she allowed her own heart to be broken into pieces in order to give him the world. And you are the key to that world. It is a heavy responsibility you may not have wanted in the first place, but it was your path and you now carry this responsibility on your unsteady shoulders.

Remember that you first trusted her and she did not let you down. Please don't break that trust she now holds in you.

Your actions now will show your regard for her; in her healing process you can help or you can hinder. You have the power to hold her grief over her head like a rain cloud, if you choose to go back on your word and cut off contact with her.  You've known grief, you've known pain.  Don't let fear or insecurity or anything like it cause your child's dear birthmother to feel more pain than she has to.

She will never forget her child, please never forget her.


Sincerely,
Me.