TRUST.

This may seem kind of out of place here on my blog.  I usually talk about light-hearted things like, well, fruit and my hair.  So far I haven't had too much overly-serious stuff.  But I was so struck by this post on the R house that I had to put my feelings down in writing.  Had to.  As in, I am totally neglecting things I need to be doing right now in order to write this post.


It comes in the form of two letters, letters to two separate but related groups of people out there.  Real people, but ones I don't actually know. (Let me emphasize that because in no way do I want anyone to think that the second letter is based on my personal experience, quite the opposite is true. I am one very lucky girl)  For simplicity's sake alone I'm leaving the men out of the equation.

_____________________________________________________

Dear prospective birthmothers,

Please be careful with the dear women who you contact and befriend as potential adoptive mothers to your children.  Most have known so much loss and heartbreak already through infertility. They have had to surrender nearly all control over the creation of their family.  By the time you meet them their hearts have been broken apart and stitched back together, sometimes over and over.

Your interest in them will fill them with hope and cautious excitement. Please be completely honest with them. If you're not sure about adoption, and are just looking at the possibilities, great- if you aren't sure about them and just want to know them, wonderful- if you are flying blindly through an unfamiliar and confusing crisis, I completely understand.  But if they know where you are on that spectrum, it can prevent unnecessary hurt.  Please try to minimize that hurt.

I realize this will require you to know yourself to some degree.  You may not know yourself yet. (again I understand)  But I only ask you proceed with the utmost caution- of course even to the very last minute you're free to change your mind, to choose someone else, to question your decision . . . but please, do not trifle with these sacred things.


You hold delicate and fragile, deep and real feelings in your unsteady hands; be ever so careful with them.


Sincerely,
Me.

____________________________________________________


Dear adoptive parents,

Please be careful with your child's dear birthmother. She has shown you the ultimate trust- out of all the people in the world, she chose YOU to raise her child. The child that she loves so much, she allowed her own heart to be broken into pieces in order to give him the world. And you are the key to that world. It is a heavy responsibility you may not have wanted in the first place, but it was your path and you now carry this responsibility on your unsteady shoulders.

Remember that you first trusted her and she did not let you down. Please don't break that trust she now holds in you.

Your actions now will show your regard for her; in her healing process you can help or you can hinder. You have the power to hold her grief over her head like a rain cloud, if you choose to go back on your word and cut off contact with her.  You've known grief, you've known pain.  Don't let fear or insecurity or anything like it cause your child's dear birthmother to feel more pain than she has to.

She will never forget her child, please never forget her.


Sincerely,
Me.